Sunday, November 7, 2010

AntiSocial Network

I’m addicted to Facebook. There, I said it. I feel better already. I’m on my way to recovery. I've taken the first step, which is admitting you have a problem.

I am so proud (and frankly amazed) to have so many friends. They are almost all funny, and thoughtful and socially active, involved in charities, great gaming champions, passionately outspoken about their causes, and loving family members.

I watch as a general observer, and as a rubbernecker at a high speed rail wreck. (say that 3 times fast!) It’s fascinating to see what people proudly plant on their pages. It’s amazing the amount of shameless self promotion that goes on, hourly. Minute by minute my page blows up with the wacky antics of YouTubers. The mundane postings of what someone had with their raspberry iced tea at Applebees. The pictures of a child’s first toothless smile. Little Miss What’sHerName just got on honor roll! Chatting for countless hours while downing pints of Americone Dream Ice Cream. Bliss.

No more letters or cards in the mail. No more long evenings of reading through a friend’s emails as they struggle with life’s challenges. No more late night phone calls, snuggling up to the pillow, wishing it was her.... All of this is out for all the world to see, including that cougar’s back chub in a bikini.

My fully loaded smartphone rarely rings. It’s set on vibrate, so maybe that’s part of the problem. But when it does rumble in my jacket pocket, it’s a notification. OH I MUST SEE IT RIGHT NOW. I’m swerving in rush hour traffic to see that my friend has found a rogue missing sock behind the dryer. Good thing I’m so well connected, or I would have missed that gem. I will LOL on her page so she knows that I read it. Tires squeal, front quarter panel sparks and skids off the center guard rail. I was in the fast lane, because that’s where I live my well connected life. Maybe not such a great idea, this well connected thing.

I miss my friends. I miss them stopping by when they’re in the neighborhood. I miss hugging my buddy who I haven’t seen in a month. I miss the scent of an old high school sweethearts' hair as we embrace at the grocery in the soup aisle. I still see and stay in touch with all of these people. In a much smaller two dimensional space.

I’m going to call my sister, and see if she’s home. I think I’ll go for a visit. But only after I post this blog, and LIKE it.

.end transmission.


  1. You know, its interesting. When the phone DOES ring, do you answer it? Do you return the call of the person that has left you a message? These things work 2 ways, I'm afraid.

  2. The old rogue missing sock trick... can't believe you fell for that... lol. I actually like it better this way. Privacy for me, friends at my convenience. And the pic with the pizza... Priceless.

  3. You capture the essence of our insanity so perfectly when you say "OH I MUST SEE IT RIGHT NOW."

    We are clearly insane, and nobody knows why. Why do we find all this nonsense so important?

    I spotted myself checking my iPhone every SEVEN minutes the other day. Wow.

  4. Kid, it is odd how all of a sudden we must see what this silly little handheld device has to say... And hopefully I've just sent you a notification, and made you check your phone again. GOTCHA! Thanks for reading!