Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Analysis Does Not Support The Hypothesis

I believe from now on, I will answer any and all questions in politician speak.

“Daddy, why does that dog have spots?”
-”I’m afraid the numbers I have do not support data either way to prove or disprove that said animal has, or ever had spots.”

“Can you let me borrow a couple of bucks for lunch?”
-”At this time, it appears that there are not sufficient funds to allow us to make an acceptable donation, nor will we make donations without further research.”

“Do you know where the remote has gone?”
-”We are aware of the situation, and are currently looking into it.”

“Who left the damned bathroom lights on AGAIN??”
-”Our conservation specialists are addressing this crisis as we speak.”

“Honey, where are the keys to the car?”
-”I’m certain that our task force has located the ignition sequencers, and are returning them to the administrator of the program.”

“Would you be a dear and take the trash out?”
-”I believe this is an area of expertise of our very capable vice president.”

“Sir, did you know you were speeding?”
-”I’m sorry, but there is no accurate information to substantiate that claim.  Also, I cannot confirm nor deny the allegations.”

“Who do you think you are?!?”
-”I believe there is plenty of documentation in our latest release that will answer this question.”

I will, and from this day forward, continue in my quest for the truth.  Or at least a hint of some sliver of truth, whether it’s alleged to exist or just inferred.  Or maybe I’ll just go have a cigar.

.end transmission.

1 comment:

  1. That was laugh-out-loud funny! And spoken like a true politician...