Oh yes, the holiday season brings out the cheery-ness in everyone. Including the person in your office that is ALREADY always cheery. You know, I’m all for a positive outlook. I’ve learned how to turn a positive into a negative on many things, but this lady bugs the snot outta me. Everything is funny. Everything. All the time. Funny.
She walks up to me this morning as I’m pouring my first cup of coffee. I’m kind of a jerk until that first coffee is in my belly, so keep your distance. Nope, not her, she’s bouncing up to me, goofy crooked smile, oh, and she’s definitely gonna get all up in my personal before I’m completely awake. Back the EFF UP, lady.
She begins speaking, or should I say laughspeaking, as she is giggling uncontrollably while she’s telling me her story. I haven’t even acknowledged her presence yet, as I’m focusing on adding powdered creamer to my cup. Can I reach for the silverware drawer without her noticing? I think there’s a steak knife in there. The serrated edge makes a rough wound that you can’t seal with direct pressure.
It’s hilarious to her, whatever it is that she’s going on about. I’ve completed my coffee, tossed out my stir stix and picked up my satchel. She’ still going! Hee hee hee hee blah blah blah hee hee hee... I’m walking towards the lounge door now. “Oh, did I tell you about Joe’s baby? chuckle chuckle You know, Joe hee hee hee down in promotions?” “I’m afraid that I’m late for a meeting.” “Oh, hee hee this will only chuckle take a minute. hee hee hee It’s hysterical!” Apparently this story about Joe’s baby crawling out of the crib, which happened two months ago, that JOE TOLD ME HIMSELF, really wasn’t that funny. Sweet, adorable, but not funny. Babies doing silly things are cute. Babies crawling around their rooms at 3AM is more scary than funny. What if they swallow a LEGO? Who will save them? Maybe I can distract her with something shiny.... Do I have any pocket change I can throw in her direction?
She’s laughing at her own story telling prowess, apparently... I pull my cell out of my pocket, and say, “I’ve got to take this”, as I fake a phone call. (always keep your phone on vibrate) Thank you high school theater class! I remember how to do the fake phone call, thanks to learning it back in theater class. I’m off down the hall, headed for my cube, and as I turn the corner, I bump into one of my other coworkers. She’s headed for coffee, too. I shoulder my phone on the same shoulder as the coffee hand. I make a hand puppet sign with my hand, like a mouth moving, to alert my fellow coworker of the danger that lurked ahead in the lounge. She said, “Babbler?” I nodded yes, as I was worried I was still in eyesight. I realize I’m still faking a phone call, and quietly say, “Wait 5 minutes, if you can”. Then it’s off to my gray cube where I beat my forehead off my desk for an hour to make the pain go away. Only 7 hours 40 minutes left to go.....
She walks up to me this morning as I’m pouring my first cup of coffee. I’m kind of a jerk until that first coffee is in my belly, so keep your distance. Nope, not her, she’s bouncing up to me, goofy crooked smile, oh, and she’s definitely gonna get all up in my personal before I’m completely awake. Back the EFF UP, lady.
She begins speaking, or should I say laughspeaking, as she is giggling uncontrollably while she’s telling me her story. I haven’t even acknowledged her presence yet, as I’m focusing on adding powdered creamer to my cup. Can I reach for the silverware drawer without her noticing? I think there’s a steak knife in there. The serrated edge makes a rough wound that you can’t seal with direct pressure.
It’s hilarious to her, whatever it is that she’s going on about. I’ve completed my coffee, tossed out my stir stix and picked up my satchel. She’ still going! Hee hee hee hee blah blah blah hee hee hee... I’m walking towards the lounge door now. “Oh, did I tell you about Joe’s baby? chuckle chuckle You know, Joe hee hee hee down in promotions?” “I’m afraid that I’m late for a meeting.” “Oh, hee hee this will only chuckle take a minute. hee hee hee It’s hysterical!” Apparently this story about Joe’s baby crawling out of the crib, which happened two months ago, that JOE TOLD ME HIMSELF, really wasn’t that funny. Sweet, adorable, but not funny. Babies doing silly things are cute. Babies crawling around their rooms at 3AM is more scary than funny. What if they swallow a LEGO? Who will save them? Maybe I can distract her with something shiny.... Do I have any pocket change I can throw in her direction?
She’s laughing at her own story telling prowess, apparently... I pull my cell out of my pocket, and say, “I’ve got to take this”, as I fake a phone call. (always keep your phone on vibrate) Thank you high school theater class! I remember how to do the fake phone call, thanks to learning it back in theater class. I’m off down the hall, headed for my cube, and as I turn the corner, I bump into one of my other coworkers. She’s headed for coffee, too. I shoulder my phone on the same shoulder as the coffee hand. I make a hand puppet sign with my hand, like a mouth moving, to alert my fellow coworker of the danger that lurked ahead in the lounge. She said, “Babbler?” I nodded yes, as I was worried I was still in eyesight. I realize I’m still faking a phone call, and quietly say, “Wait 5 minutes, if you can”. Then it’s off to my gray cube where I beat my forehead off my desk for an hour to make the pain go away. Only 7 hours 40 minutes left to go.....
We have one of those. I've taken to leaving the light off in the outer office so no one can find me but she sniffed me out the other day. "I THOUGHT I saw you in the hallway!"
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to hide from 'them'. It's like they've got radar or something, isn't it?
ReplyDelete